Community submission: Lizzy Kirk’s story of adoption, identity and self-discovery

I was accused of being racist and told “I didn’t like black people” I guess you're thinking how that’s possible when you're black, well let me explain.

When I moved from a village with very few people of colour and zero culture to a town I was suddenly surrounded by black people and other ethnic groups.

I was guilty of culturally stereotyping black people, but how could I not have been when my only experience had been passed on through white people. I did feel intimidated.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed. To be around people of colour who seemed so cultured, confident and comfortable in their own skin when I still did not really have a clue who I was. I didn’t know how to act, and I felt embarrassed that I was so uncultured and knew nothing about where I came from. 

My hair, my skin, food, music, fashion and vocabulary all these aspects of black culture came to me in later life, it's almost like I had to learn how to be black.

Only in recent years have I really thought about the lasting effects on me from my childhood, being adopted, growing up in a white family, surrounded by white people with little to no representation of colour to give me any sort of cultural education. 

For the longest time I saw myself as incomplete, neither one thing nor the other, a “half-breed.”

If I think about it, I’ve always identified more with the black part of me.

In the younger part of my life, that was because I was so conscious that was how everyone else looked at me, I could not identify with the white part of me because I didn’t look like the white people I was surrounded by, it was impossible to identify with the white part of me because I wasn't white!

But how could I truly identify with the black part of me when I knew nothing about my ethnic background and culture? I was so uncomfortable in my own skin and did not have a clue who I really was. 

2020 saw a real awakening of my identity. At a time when it felt like the world was unravelling, as we sat in isolation watching the monumental events of the global pandemic, the murder of George Floyd the uprising of the Black Lives Matter movement unfold on the news and social media, these are things that I will remember forever, but for me, I will remember 2020 for another reason. This will be the year my life changed; my identity changed, and a story I had been telling all my adult life turned out to be something completely different…

You can hear everything about me finding my family in the latest episode of the podcast below

Fast forward almost 12 months, and this all seems like a distant memory, something that happened to someone else, not me, but then all of a sudden it hits me all over again, wow that shit happened to me. 

The shortened version I now say to my sister: “Can you remember that time I called you to ask you to ask your dad something about my dad, and then your dad turned out to be my dad?” Fun times.

Imagine spending 40 years of your life feeling incomplete, not knowing truly who you are and where you come from then finally feeling complete. I have people who share the same DNA as me, they look like me, I did not realise until now how important that shit was and how much I needed it. 

I spent so much time being confused and unhappy with myself when I was younger, If I could go back and help myself out, I’d have so much to say.

I’d let you know that it’s OK to be different and it is what will make us shine so brightly in the future.

I would make sure in understood that although I feel lost in the world, I will most definitely find my way and become passionate about helping other young people who feel the same. 

Every adopted child's story is different and magical in its own way.

My story has quite a few twists and turns and has caused me to struggle with my identity.

When I thought about what I wanted to write about and how I wanted to make a difference in the world, it was a no brainer. I want to use my voice to tell my story and help young people.

Young people who may be experiencing issues around adoption, race and fitting in. If it's not directly affecting them, educate other young people about the importance of being kind and accepting towards other people who's stories are different from theirs.